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Thursday, September 2, 2010

How to prepare for a storm in DC

With Hurricane Earl coming somewhat close to the Washington DC area, residents are preparing for the their own special way. Here are the steps to prepare for any sort of weather emergency (or non-emergency) in the DC area.

1. Go to the store right after work and buy all the eggs, bread, milk & toilet paper in sight

   Nothing keeps you safe at home like the three most perishable staples from the grocery store. What exactly is everyone going to do with the eggs, bread, milk & TP? Toilet paper scramble on toast? When the power goes out (See #3) I'm sure you'll be really glad to have those eggs & milk sitting in your fridge.

2. Drive REALLY slow. Forget turn signals headlights, & side mirrors. There's no time for those in an emergency!

   The ability to drive must be water soluble. Even the threat of a sprinkle or flurry is enough to grind traffic to a halt. See fit to drive 10 miles under the speed limit as you make your way to the store. As a (hopefully) licensed driver, it is your responsibility to rubber neck as much as possible.

3. DVR all your favorite shows so you can watch them when the power goes out.

   What?! You can't watch TV without power? We're all gonna die......
If you're home is serviced by PEPCO, your power WILL go out. Prepare for the inevitable by DVRing all the shows you want to catch up on, buy extra light bulbs, don't prep a flashlight, and run your car to almost empty. No need for candles, batteries, non-perishable food & wine. If you must buy a generator, be sure to buy the loudest model available and forget to purchase the gas to run it.

4. Don't watch or listen to the news.

   Emergencies are way more exciting when you learn about them just as you leave the office. This will give you just enough time to race to the store, along with thousands of your best neighbors, and agonize over the lack of eggs.

5. Be aware of indoor hazards.

   You may suddenly find yourself with a fridge full of meat and no power during a weather emergency. The DC thing to do here is bring the gas grill inside! Fire Marshal be darned. Nothing says safe like an open flame, flammable gas, and possibly toxic fumes. Generators fall into this category if you want "Carbon Monoxide Poisoning" on your death certificate.

6. Venture outside!

   Clogged highways, fallen trees, downed power lines. What could go wrong? If you follow the above steps, I'm sure you'll need to venture out during the worst of the storm to see if McDonald's is open. That's what Fire & Rescue is for, right?


  1. We had a hurricane in Surrey(UK)in 86,the one and only.We woke up to this noise like we had never heard before.Looked out of the window and the trees were almost laying down.On the way to work next day I passed what used to be a park,it looked like a picture of the Somme.

  2. Sounds similar to snow in the Pacific Northwest. You would think that Armageddon was on it's way.