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Friday, October 8, 2010

How a Laundry Fail Can Inspire an Actual Horror Movie!

I try to take great care of my jeans, because 1: It’s next to impossible to find a flattering pair. 2: I only buy jeans I love, so I don’t want to ruin something I love! 3: I would just have to buy more jeans, and that’s a pain (see #1.) So I lovingly turn them inside out, wash them on super gentle in the coldest water possible, with the special super dark Woolite. II toss them in the dryer for only 5 MINUTES; then finish them off on my nifty Ikea drying rack. I’ve kept some nice pairs of jeans around a long time by doing this.

One day my sister decided it’d be cool to throw a load of towel into my jean wash. Totally not cool. I went to change out the load, and when I saw the towels, I must have assumed I only THOUGHT I put in jeans; so I left them there for my sister to deal with. After 2 days I went back down and the towels were still in the washer….and not smelling too great. I did what I felt was best, cranked the washer to high, added the regular detergent, some vinegar and salt and let that baby go! Go domestic me!
As I pulled the nearly sterilized towels from the wash, I made the horrible discovery. Three pairs of my BESTEST JEANS!

Like a desperate idealist ER doc, I tried valiantly to save the jeans. Don’t fade on me!! You’re not going to shrink today!! Not on my watch! I tried gently stretching them, dying them, everything!

So what does this have to do with horror movies??
Well, I couldn’t wear the jeans, and I didn’t want to toss them; so I had to donate them. But to where? Then I remembered my work w/ Habitat for Humanity and how they were collecting jeans during the spring to turn into insulation for the homes. PERFECT! My jeans can live on, helping a family stay warm, and helping the environment. Jeans? Live on? Here’s where my mind starts to wander…

You know those movies where the nice couple moves into a cute old house and they find some creepy doll in a closet? And that doll is actually a memento from some kid who’s family was viciously murdered in the house? What if you bought some totally cute eco friendly home w/ your cute fiancé, and the walls were insulated with jeans…..from murdered teenagers!! We could totally get M. Night Shyamanananana to do this!

Here’s how it goes. There’s this seriel killer out there, and he killed a whole bunch of teens (you know, horror movie teens; the cheerleader, the insecure one, etc); instead of collecting driver’s licenses or necklaces. He took their jeans! But he never paid his storage bill on time, so everything got sold and some guy made them into insulation to put in this green home. Totally plausible, right? I mean, some guy in Silence of the Lambs had a storage unit I think. (That and building homes on burial grounds is so done)

This home's insulation contains more than just thermal energy. It also contains the souls of murdered teenagers!!
The young couple (just starting a new job? Maybe as a reporter??) moves in to the home. They’re all eco conscious and such. Maybe they have a dog. After a week or so, they hear strange noises and weird crap happens. Everything escalates and they feel they’re in danger! They track down the guy who built the house and through usual horror movie reporter action, they discover the jeans’ true origin!

But how could this end? It’d be great if we could end it all eco friendly like, and not do things like burn the house down. How about…

A: Hire a super natural contractor who rips out the drywall and buries the jeans in some spooky cemetery nearby
B: Um…move?
C: Track down the killer and bring him to justice! Find moms of teens and comfort them.
D: You tell me!


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